A friend and co-worker said something interesting to me when we returned to work after Christmas. I know he didn't mean it to sound demeaning or superior or even downright insulting.

But that is how it came across.

What he said was, "You can't know the sheer joy of Christmas unless you have a child."

I don't have children. I'm gay. There is no possibility of producing a child through my normal sexual activity. I know this because if it were possible, my partner and I would have already had several children. What this friend was saying to me was, "Since you don't have children, and can't have children, the true joy of Christmas is forever closed to you."

I disagree, and told him so.

It would be like me telling him, "Until you publish a collection of your own short stories and give the book to your mother, you'll never know the real meaning of joy." Yes, I did get a lot of joy from that moment Christmas day, but it wasn't so great that it nullifies everyone else's memories.

I'm glad my friend has a child. Except for the parents themselves, I doubt there was anyone more thrilled than I when they became pregnant. But as their child has aged over the last 5 years, I've had to bite my tongue and watch as my friend slowly became a hetero-eletist. He is truly one of the most liberal people I've ever met. He's not gay, but he admits freely that most people think he is on first meeting. He acknowledges and jokes about the perception in the office that he and I are dating. But whenever he can, he introduces his son into the conversation, almost as if he's boasting that he reproduced.

It gets a little tiresome.