Parents fall into two categories: those who will dismiss as meaningless any parenting advice from someone who has no children, and those who are seriously offended when someone without offspring makes a suggestion about child rearing.

(I suppose there's a third category of parents who actually listen when a non-parent speaks, but that group is statistically so small as to be insignificant to my point.)

Of the two factions, my favorite is the parent who is offended. In fact, there are few pleasures in the world more thrilling than watching the hackles rise on a parent who believes that since I have not raised a child of my own I couldn't possibly have any meaningful insight. Forget the years of childhood I went through; my experience on that side of the parenting equation does not give me the right to an opinion.

That's where the fun begins.

A parent who merely dismisses me is no fun. Talking to that parent is a waste of my time and just makes more work for the dwindling number of trees. But the offended parent – ahhh, now that's sport!

Parent: Baby Devil Lamb climbed out of bed again last night and woke me up!

Me: I wonder why he won't stay in bed.

P: Who knows. He comes in and wakes me up and I need my sleep.

M: I suppose it's better that he wakes you. You don't want him wandering around the house in the middle of the night.

P: At least then I could get some sleep.

M: But what if he got outside? Why isn't Baby Devil Lamb sleeping?

P: I don't know. I had to put him back to bed three times last night.

M: Did you ask him? (Blank stare) You should ask Baby Devil Lamb why he's not staying in bed. I remember I went through a phase where I was sure there was a giant who would look into my bedroom window at night. I was always afraid he would steal me.

P: Baby Devil Lamb isn't afraid.

M: Are you sure? You should —

P: He's just bad and he won't stay in bed and I have to keep getting up and putting him back and now I'm tired and I just want to sleep at night not chase him all over the house or have him wake me up!

M: Ah. (Time to go for the payoff) But aren't you afraid he might hurt himself getting up in the middle of the night? You should find out what's motivating him. And if that doesn't work, you're the parent, tell him to stay in bed or you'll punish him.

P: That never works. Baby Devil Lamb doesn't listen to me.

M: That's because you never follow through with your threats. Baby Devil Lamb is smart enough to recognize a pie-crust promise: easily made, easily broken (Thank you Mary Poppins). If you tell a child no, and then give in after a few whines, he learns every "no" is just a "yes" waiting in the wings.  (I bring in the killing blow) It's like training a dog, you just have to be firm and consistent.

P: You're not a parent, you don't understand.

That phrase is the triple-score, extra-ball victory. I always smile and nod. I was taught that being a good winner is just as important as being a good loser.