There are very few things I fear, and even fewer topics that make me uncorfortable, but there's one question that falls into both categories: "Do you believe in God?"

OK, yes, I do believe in God, but I'm not sure it's for the right reason, and therein lies the discomfort and fear. My reason for believing rises from a need for there to be a god.

This gets complicated now.

I don't require a god to explain away the seasons, or ducks, or man. I don't need a god to give purpose to intelligence or the cosmos or ducks. These things could easily have happened through the methods proposed by science. To use a god as an explanation for any of this is simply poetic — which is always nice, but not necessarily true.

I need God because I need an afterlife. I need an afterlife because I have some unfinished business that can't be completed without an afterlife. Ronald Reagan became my greatest enemy and my candidate for history's greatest villain during his two terms as president of the United States of America (1981-1989). His evil can only be compared to – but never surpassed by – Adolph Hitler. Hitler was a horrible person, but everyone knew it and feared him. Reagan was a horrible person while successfully hiding behind the guise of a kindly grandfather. His lopsided grin and twinkling blue eyes masked the calculating mass-murderer lurking beneath and surface.

Reagan, sadly, died four days before my birthday in 2004. I need an afterlife because after I die, my goal is to track down this hated demon and visit upon him whatever painful, torturous punishment exists in the next plane.

I am basically a gentle person. Yes, I get angry in traffic, but those are short bursts of emotions, quickly forgotten. My hatred for Ronald Reagan, I hope, will sustain me into the next life where I can do to him what he did to thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of people. I lost too many friends to a disease he refused to acknowledge, and I hold him responsible for those deaths.